Freaking Feels

I hate having a crush. Hate it.

Well, I guess I can't really say that, I normally do not mind crushes. But when I get a ...mega-crush, for lack of better wording, I hate it! I'm miserable, and it has only happened three times on record.

The first time was in 7th grade, the tuesday before school ended, when the boy I liked, told me he liked me as well. I pretty much went bonkers. And felt like I could fly (I couldn't), but it wasn't...a miserable feeling? It was quite a giddy one. I guess at that age I wasn't afraid of being hurt. I mean, I was 13, I probably thought we'd get married, have 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence.

The second time, was first semester of freshman year, when I met this amazing guy at a weekend school thing. Long story short, it didn't work out. And it took me about three years to realize it was never going to happen, and I was being ridiculous. Every time I was close to that revelation,  he'd say something that'd give me butterflies all over again. But I finally got myself out of that horrendous mess in time for Senior year.

The third time, is now. I have a week left of summer before school starts, my senior year. I went to a conference, and there she was. This however, isn't like the last few times. This is different. Not because she is a girl, that is completely normal. It is just her. She isn't extraordinarily pretty, or smart, or funny, or sexy. (not that I know of anyway). She is just extraordinary. Never have I felt this way. Never has my stomach done flips five days straight. Never have I felt dizzy and light-headed when talking to a girl. Never has this happened to me. I am so insanely into this girl. And I don't even understand why. I mean, there is no way to describe how I feel, except that it is confusing me, and I am not sure if I like it.

So yes, I hate having a "mega-crush", because they never acctually work out, and I always get hurt. But unlike the first two crushes, I can't even talk to her. Which is causing me even more anxiety, and I can't just walk away, because I would never forgive myself for that. I could be missing something amazing, or I could undoubtedly hurt myself.
20 seconds of insane courage. That is all I need to either walk away, or go for it.
I hate crushes.

Sherlocked.

Hello! I haven't updated in quite a while.

I've recently taken to BBC's Sherlock. It's a fantastic show.

I'm slightly obsessed with Benedict Cumberbatch, and I absolutely love Martin Freeman, him being the man made of kittens, and the most adorable person ever. And my favorite actor of all time.

That is all. :)

2012

I've had nothing to say recently. Do you ever have days where you just feel like you mature everyday compared to every other idiot around you? That has been my entire 2012 year. I feel 10 thousand times smarter than most people I surround myself with, and I'm getting sick of certain people, so I just kinda distance myself from them. Thankfully, I still have some friends, who I keep who make me feel normal still.